My Testimony

My Testimony

I must start with a little background information. I grew up in a Christian home. My grandparents
and mom attended church along with my younger brother and myself. I grew up knowing what was
Biblically right and wrong. I was an honor roll student during my school years and never hung out with
the "wrong" crowd. However, some things happened in my life that would totally affect my future.
All through high school, I dated a boy from another school and we were engaged to be married.
During my senior year of high school, he cheated on me. I was heartbroken and moved out
of state to live with my mom for a while and decide what I was going to do about college.
During that summer, I got involved with some local kids that spent their weekends drinking,
smoking cigarettes and partying. Pretty soon I found myself doing the same thing. I wasn't
going to church anymore, thought I knew it all and wanted to make my own way.

I went to college for one semester on a band scholarship but drank my way into flunking out. I decided
to dump school and wound up marrying the very guy that broke my heart. At that time, I thought I may as well
...thought I wasn't good enough for anyone else. It wasn't long before he became abusive. I found out
I was pregnant in April of '92 but miscarried soon after. I was extremely sad but decided to try again.
I became pregnant again that same year with twins and everything went fine until the 13th week at which
time I had an ultrasound and the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat for either baby. I had to have a D&C the
following Monday and my brother picked me up from the hospital (my husband didn't even bother to be there).
I was totally devastated. The abuse was still going on at this time and I finally got so tired of it,
I searched for an attorney to file for divorce. I didn't make enough money to hire an attorney, so I took a job
at an adult entertainment club. The money was fantastic...more than I'd ever dreamed
I would make but I paid the price in the end.

I hired the attorney and filed for divorce. For the most part, I stopped drinking but soon realized I had made
a huge mistake by working in that place. I saw so many things...perverted, dangerous things, drugs everywhere,
bad language...it goes on and on. Each day that I worked was horrible for me, as I knew God didn't
intend for me to be there at all. I managed to stay away from the prostitution and drugs, but I saw so many
girls influenced by it and eventually they were addicts or spending time in jail for solicitation. During my last
months working in that business, I took every chance I could get to tell the other girls about Christ. One of the
girls worked at the front door. She left that line of work shortly after I did and called me and asked to borrow
some of my books about Christ.

While I was still working at the club, I met a new manager and we
started a friendship that eventually led to more and I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.
At first, I didn't want to get my hopes up because I was so afraid I would miscarry again. But things went fine
and I gave birth to a healthy baby girl on January 24, 1995. My life changed that night. I woke up the next
morning and felt like I had been slapped in the face with reality. Life was not about ME anymore...
I had a baby that was totally depending on me for everything! WHOA...that is a big pill to swallow. I started feeling
guilty about me and her dad working in a place like that and I urged Jeff to find another job.

I think God was really changing my heart at that time but now we will talk about guilt. I was so ashamed
for the things I had done. I felt like I was too dirty to go inside the church and worship.
I worked hard to put myself through school and I graduated with honors in 1996 with a medical office degree.
My son was born in 1998 and around that time I had a conversation with my mom that really made me see the light.
She said because I had sinned and made mistakes, didn't mean that God didn't love me anymore.
At that time, we lived over 1000 miles apart and she sent me a box one day and inside the box was a very
fragile handblown glass whale with Jonah inside and message that said,
"Just like Jonah, God has plans for you too." I sat and cried and cried and asked God for his help. I wanted
to be a mother that was there to guide her children in the right ways of life and I realized I had to let go
of the guilt and let God work in my life. That was four years ago. I started going back to church and
am happy to say Jeff no longer works for that company anymore either. He got a really nice job with a local
restaurant and is an usher in our church. My daughter, Emily, accepted Christ as her Savior on June 26, 2003.
Our family has been tremendously blessed and I am so thankful God took a broken person like me and
made me whole again.

~Kim~